Caregiving of the Abusive Parent
Graceland Assisted Living Garden Ridge Texas
Caregiving is never easy. Caregiving provided to someone who is ungrateful or impossible to please is even tougher. Caregiving provided to a parent who was abusive may be the biggest challenge of all.
Even adult children who suffered in abusive familial relationships often want to provide care to their parents. They may struggle with a parent's behaviors that remind them of their childhood and that stir feelings that have long been buried. How can one provide loving, appropriate care to someone who has been (and may continue to be) a source of emotional pain?
Many counselors would suggest "detaching with love." Detaching is a method of setting boundaries to protect yourself. It can also mean that you give up the notion that you can control their behavior, and you stop allowing them to control yours. It's hard. It takes practice. But for many, detaching works.
One thing that can help is to realize that the little kid inside of us most likely still wants our parents' approval. When we can't get that, even as adult caregivers, it hurts. To cope with those needs, it often helps to learn the techniques of detachment.
People detach by learning to understand that they can't control their parents (or spouse), so they stop trying.
Self care and good boundaries are VITAL to the wellbeing of an adult child who is serving as a caregiver to an abusive parent. If you struggle with this type of issue, find help. There are resources online such as www.agingcare.com/ & www.thefamilycaregiver.org that can provide links to assistance.
